The softer side of men vs. women

Tools to help your characters sound unique

One of the big challenges for authors is that our characters tend to sound like us. It makes sense, after all — every word those people say, and every thought they have, comes directly from our heads, our minds, our perceptions. So of course they sound like us. Male characters written by women tend to sound like girlfriends instead of guys. Women characters written by men tend to sound terse and singleminded

When we’re writing a character’s thoughts and dialogue, the comparisons and images that come to mind — and the way the character expresses them — are pretty likely to sound just like the author.

Unless we make a specific, devoted effort not to let that happen.

It’s a difficult task. Fortunately, there are a few simple techniques to make it better — tips that make it more likely that our characters sound plausible, convincing, and like themselves, rather than like the author.

For instance, there are a few typical differences between how men talk and how women talk, and you can use those to distinguish your dialogue. Is this true of absolutely everyone? Of course not. The entire point of this discussion is that every character should have his or her own voice — a voice that’s not only unlike other men (or other women), but unlike everyone else.

Still, these things are generally true.

Men are apt to use fewer words, shorter sentences, and more direct statements. They’re likely to ask a question only when they need a specific answer. They’re more likely to stick to concrete topics than to speak in general or abstract terms.

Women are apt to talk a lot, use more complex sentences, and ask more questions — especially global questions, or validation questions like “Don’t you agree with me?”, or general / cooperation questions like “What do you think we should do?”

Just breaking up his sentences a bit, turning most of his questions into statements, and focusing on the concrete rather than the abstract will make your men sound more believable — and different from your women. Adding emotion and questions to her thoughts and words, as well as showing her seeking cooperation and agreement, will make your women more convincing — and different from your men.

It also helps if you take a few minutes to make a list of the sorts of things your characters might talk about, or the sorts of comparisons they might make. This is a great daydreaming task for a time when you have a few extra minutes but not enough time to do significant writing. Then you’ll have a resource list to refer to.

If he’s a chef, he’ll think and talk differently than if he’s a football coach. He’ll make different comparisons and use different images. But he’ll still sound like a guy. This is also true of your heroine; if she’s a football coach, she’ll be a much less typical woman... but she’ll still show some of those same general feminine characteristics, especially where questions are concerned.

What are your character’s interests, hobbies, jobs, pastimes? How might those interests come out in his or her conversation or thoughts? — especially when he’s thinking about something else, something that’s more important than the hobby?

(I once wrote a hero saying, “Telling you that would be like giving you the recipe to hurt me.” Trouble was, he was a tycoon, not a chef. In fact, he couldn’t even boil an egg; he would never use cooking as a comparison. However, the line escaped not only me but a half-dozen editors. All women. Sigh.)

Overall, though, don’t let a problem with dialogue stop you from making forward progress in the book. If you stop to rate and reconsider every line of dialogue, you’re not going to get far in the story. So write it however it comes out.

Just keep in mind that you’ll be coming back in a polishing stage to make sure that he sounds like HE would sound, and she sounds like SHE would sound. And as you get further into the story, you may find it easier to hear their unique voices — because you’ll know them better.

What do you think? Share your thoughts, your experience, your examples, your questions. Is there a topic you’d like to see addressed?

The Snarky Editor’s Softer Side is represented by author / editor / teacher / writing coach Leigh Michaels, commenting on random topics of interest to writers and readers. Leigh is the award-winning author of more than 100 books. (The Snarky Editor herself mainly comes out to play when she discovers egregious and often hilarious errors in published books.)

To find out more, check out https://leighmichaels.com

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